Sunday, 20 November 2011

The list goes on.......

It seems to me that I am loaded with sheets of paper with writing all over them. Ok, what's the list?

Have you noticed that as you get older the amount of lists you are hit with. Well, lets take a look at them.

There was always the grocery list, that one we have down, but of course I have never made a list to buy food.  I love to go and shop.  It has always been my favorite thing to do buy food for my family. The thought  of wondering up and down the isles and picking up all the comfort food for the week. No, I never had a list I just went once a week and did it.

Until menopause....

I now have to write it down, plan the meals, check the freezer, ask my kids what they need and make a list. I have to check my wallet to make sure I have  all the cards for the store you know the special discount card or point cards, make sure you have the shopping bags, and a quarter for the buggy. That alone drives me crazy.  The stress alone causes a hot flash. My mother never had to do any of this stuff. Then you have to remember the food.... Ha so that is why you make a list.
Even when I have the list I seem to forget to read all the stuff I have on it.  You know it is not organized like the store isles so I do forget something.  Then I will have to go back again another day to get milk and something I forgot. When I was younger my mother use to go to the store almost everyday I thought she was nuts.
While we are on the topic of food and shopping did you know Zehrs give you 15% off on Wednesday if you are a senior.  You only have to be 55 years old.  It is like a club you go every Wednesday and meet with  all the other silver tops.

Then Dr. Oz gave out a list the top 10 things you need to do to live a long life. Well, this one you will just love posted on the fridge.
1. Sit less and move more. Right most days Icrave to sit down and put my feet up.
2. Get ride of simple sugars. They do not want you to go to Tims anymore.
3. Breath and stretch everyday. I am just happy if I get my head on straight everyday.
4. Have sex. Thanks Dr. Oz. my husband will love you for this one.
5. Get 7 hours of sleep a day.  I don't think he means all at once.
6. Have  a bone density test done, and take Vitamin d and calcium everyday.
7.Take half a multi vitamin in the morning and the other half in the evening before bed rest. I will be happy I remember to take it once a day.
8.When making your dinner make half the meal vegetables. Thats a good way to save for  retirement.
9. Check your poop everyday. I am just glad I still can do it everyday.
10. Eat a hard boiled egg everyday.
So thats the list to live a longer healthier life.

Then theres the daily list for the week....

*Call your parents to check on them. If you don't they will call you 4 times in the next hour.
*Return phone calls on the answering machine. Don't people know my email address.
*Pick up dry cleaning, because no one else in the house knows where it is.
*Walk the dog and clean up his poop. Poor thing is forgotten about.
*Run errands for your husband and kids. This will take half your day. That you will need a list for too.
*Lunch with a friend. Better be at Tims, you have too much to do to sit and enjoy yourself .
*Go to the doctors, dentist or your shrink. We know how long a doctors appt. can take and the dentist will be done with soon , dentures save time here, just put them in a glass. The shrink is the only appt, you want to go to.  Their the only person who will take the time to sit and listen to you, that is if you do not fall asleep . To me that is the only time I get to put my feet up and have a rest in the chair.

Then come the Christmas, birthday , and the lists go on...Please give me a break  enough with all the lists everyone keeps giving me....Do they think when one gets to fifty they can't remember things?

So now I know why older people use to always say" they were losing their minds".  It really had nothing to do with Alzheimer's. They could not remember all the things they had to do. There was no Dr. Oz to direct them or the Blackberry to carry all the lists to do while they are out and about.  Just to leave your home today you have to pack a bag, make a list , take your blackberry and remember your american express card. Or did they just go crazy with which list they had to read to keep their life organized.

Now this is where being blonde really helps as one ages.  You can forget what you are doing and blame it on being blonde all your life....

Saturday, 5 November 2011

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me the truth before my face falls.
Am I red or am I blue, because I have forgotten who is who.
I have lines that go up and down, that is why I wear a frown,
I wash and cream and moisturize is that why my skin is thin
I am looking at a face I can not see, is it really me.

Growing old is not the easiest thing to do, but since we have no choice
we have to make the best of it. I know I went to bed everynight when I was younger but I am sure I did not wake up looking like this. 50 is the knock on the door, the question is "do we want to answer it?"

For the past 30 years we have been on automatic pilot with our wings spread and flying high. I don't think I have to worry too much about flying high but the spreading of my wings has just kicked in.
I have more wings then I need right now. My highs sag , I have that under arm wing thing going on,
and my breast are more familiar with my tummy then I  ever was. So I have decided not to run any more I might just fall flat on my face from all the extra weight I am carring around or take off and fly (If  I was to run too fast).
So there you  are standing if front of that wonderful mirror that you wanted so much back when you were
in your twenties. You know the one , it is on the back of your bathroom door.  Ya just where you want it.  There is nothing like getting out of the shower and turning around and taking a good look at your well groomed body.  Well, you know the mirror is only 2 feet wide thank God it makes you look skinny. You lose an inch on your waist line just looking in it.  So that is one thing you do not want to get ride of  when you down size.  That mirror I am taking with me.  The only problem is when you turn around you get the full view of your back side when you are looking in the mirror over the sink. Wow.  Now where did that come from.
 I mean the mirror over the sink.  Who put that there.

I remember paying a lot of money to have this bathroom redone but I do not remember that my butt was going to be exposed so that you could get a full Monty view.  Next time we do a bathroom make over I am hiring a women in her eightys to do it.  I am sure she will have thought about all this  naked body exposure  over fifty stuff. This is stuff nobody should ever see.

Then there is the medicine cabinet problem. Now if you thought it was full before think twice.  There are the 8 vitamin bottles, the 3 boxes of osteoporsis pills, hormonal and estrogen  bottles, evening primerose bottle (thats for the hot flashes), Grecian formula( for my husbands hair), asprin ( so our blood stays thin) a magnifying glass ( so you can read what you are taking) my hair dying boxes ( I always have two of those) and the many ,many jars and tubes of age defying creams. It is no wonder we can not find the advil any more.
 Then there is the issue of where do you hide the depends. Like they are not small, remember the tampons you could through them in a draw. You certainly do not want to store them on an open shelf so the world can see them they probably would not fit.

There still is that issue of the mirror. Like where do you get a large magnifying mirror to put on the wall..  I need to know because have you ever tried  to pluck an eye brow or line your eyes  with your readers on. Now how is one suppose to do that... Then once I get that big magnifying mirror how big will my butt and boobs look. 

 Like really could this be more complicated....