Menopause

Menopause, now who thought of that name.  I can only think it was a male and they were thinking " Yes at this age in a man's life MEN will pause to enjoy themselves."  Of course, they did not give birth or have periods all through their younger days, and  they are not going to have menopause.  The clock will stop and they will get on the train of happiness. I knew it was misspelled, it is called Men do Pause.

Menopause creeps up on you a little at a time.  At first you get a little warm then you get the sweats at night along with the cold flashes. It is so typical for women to have this.   We just do not know what we want.  Then you take to the internet to find out what it is and reread the package  your doctor so kindly gave you at your last physical.

OMG the list....
It reads "If you have any or all of these symptoms you are probably in menopause:"

sleeping problems - weight gain - mood swings - night sweats - bloating - hot flashes- low energy
irritability - anxiety - urine leak - skin flushing - forgetfulness -  headaches - vaginal dryness
joint aches - incontinence - hair loss - difficult concentrating - depression - brittle nails
decreased interest in sex -  painful intercourse - vaginal infection -  panic disorder
hormonal imbalance .

 Then they add to this the Pains that a women may experience at this time in her life...

Breast pain -  joint pain -  burning tongue -  digestive problems -  gum problems -  muscle tension
itchy skin - tingling extremities.

That's great, I know now that I have been in menopause since I got married and had children.   I have had all these symptoms for the past 26 years. So, this should not be something new to me. Come on... is this what we have to look forword to?

Now let's think about this for a few hours....

They tell you not all women have the same experience.  It comes in different forms; mild, medium or severe .  It is like ordering a steak, how would you like it after fifty?  So if you have not begun get your order in quick...

They talk about women in menopause as being irritable, well just take a look.  Would you not have mood swings, burning tongue (that's from swearing so much) headaches and sleeping problems if you were not in menopause. The list has 33 symptons.  That alone gives me urine leak  and depression.

While we are talking about urine leaks,  this is a riot, you know if you laugh, cough, sneeze, exercise or run this could happen. I just want to meet the woman in menopause who has the weight issue as I do, (God only knows where that 20 pounds came from) how she wears her spanks while wearing a Depend . It is impossible to go to the bathroom or have a smooth look in your bike shorts wearing  your Depend.

Then men wonder why we are not jumping into bed with them. Would you if your urine was going to leak if you should have an orgasm.  You know you are going to have a hot flash with the water pouring out of your pours.   Your skin is itchy and it is driving you crazy and you could experience a panic attack if he pulls the covers back and discovers you wear Depend to bed so you do not have to get up every 2 hours to go to the bathroom. Never mind the cute sexy teddies,  you will not look good in them due to the weight gain, and you need your  flannels to absorb the sweat and for the cold flash you get after that to keep you warm.  Then there is the changing 3 times a  night because the bed is so wet and he has to go downstairs to sleep if he wants to get any sleep at all. So now you know why we are so disinterested in sex.  My husband just does not get it.  He says it is all in my mind.  I keep trying to tell him there is less in my mind these days and more in my body.

Then the information goes on to tell you how to keep fit and healthy during your menopause state. These are steps to help reduce the symptoms. (You've just got to love this now, I am sure a male doctor wrote this piece of information.)

Avoid caffeine- alcohol-spicy foods-dress lightly and in layers-eat soy foods
take calcium and vitamin d-exercise-practice kegel exercise to strengthen the muscles of your vagina and pelvis- practice slow breathing when a hot flash starts- remain sexually active, take yoga to help relax the body and mind- use water lubricant during sex. (Well doesn't that sound delightful)

Now really ....I can just see it now when my husband asks me what the heck I am doing in the bathroom, and I have to tell him I have metal balls up my vagina and I am practicing my kegel exercise for sex later
and I think I might be in a hot flash because I canot get a kegel out of me. Then you must remember to breath slow to help prevent the hot flash and try not to panic.  Don't tell me that you do not want a large glass of wine and a cigarette after that experience.

Now that is why they invented The Dolphin, it just saves a lot to time, no mess and the experience is so wonderful you go to bed with a smile on your face.  Ahhh


If you have have any suggestions to help calm down the menopause state please feel free to share them...